THE PAST BECOMES PRESENT

as the year comes to a dead end, i couldn't help but wonder:
what has this time been all about?
and as a big part of it was me closing chapters, getting some resolution on past situations/relationships; going back to my roots, to the places that shaped me, the people that impacted who i am and what i do… and as much pain it caused, it also healed…
but in order for me to face those pasts i had to move, i had to be proactive.
i quite despise to impose myself [i believe i am quite strong of a persona as is, that i don't find it necessary to make a point and explain myself, those who get it are the ones who were supposed to get the message] there is a fine line between that and being passive… somehow in the process of exploring new possibilities i became an observer and had a very held-back attitude towards the new.
i guess the past became quite overwhelming i was extremely cautious with the present i did not want to rush into any immediate or long-term future. i was setting my own record straight and needed to visualize my standards and my parameters and have them as tangible concepts i could hold on to and state my needs and my wants… changing the conversation from my ways and no-ways.
also, this year marked a full cycle of ten years since i got ill and ended up in the hospital with a huge infection that changed my life, making me über aware of my food consumption which also led me to some unhealthy extremes… but standing here, after all the work of this endless quest for a better and healthier self i've come to the acceptance that 'self implies others' and being selfish is somehow for the greater good…
i know what love is not, i've been in very dark places where there was no space for love [that 'self-love' concept was so foreign i always rolled my eyes until many spiritual healings and intense therapy sessions that brought awareness and consciousness of all the good within me to help me forgive myself and therefore others] now, as i am standing here in an empty room, i know there are no ounces of self-hatred that weigh more in my body than the good love that i've come to know and let in.

and as the past became present, i felt this ootd was the perfect visual manifestation of that fact:
somehow this look i've posted before, but i was blonde [that specific time in my life is such a blur i can't feel like that portrayed the true colors of who i was…] and even though i shouldn't go back i felt like i had to due to Maison Margiela bringing the trouser/jean version of the vintage Jean Paul Gaultier fusion blazer/jacket, but i had no patience and went for the DIY route: my HM jeans layered under my vintage Maison Martin Margiela trousers in Paris 5 years ago.


[Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses  +  Marc Jacobs Tshirt  +  HM jeans  +  vintage MMM trousers [inspired by these Maison Margiela fusion pants]  + Maison Martin Margiela elastic pumps]