balance vs paradoxe

ok, lets discuss this thing that has been this week's battle in my mind:

All my life i was taught i had to strive for balance, find the middle ground, compromise.
However, i always failed.
'not everything is black or white' so i forced gray. Yet i now know, that even if i enjoy a good neutral, the yin and yang in equal parts without blending but sharing their strengths and weakness is what makes sense in my brain color scheme.
'you are either a virgin or a whore' 'girl or boy' 'straight or gay'… i've learned that gender identity, sexual communication and sexual preference are independent one to the other and that i don't have to compromise my masculinity by masking it with fake feminism.

and so this dance of self doubt [i wouldn't like to put it so dramatically, because i know who i am, but sometimes i need a reality check-in into society's rules and double standards to confirm what makes me] was triggered by this ootd [as many in my life…] because here in Mexico when one wears red, we are teasing the males into intercourse [a esa de rojo, yo me la cojo = that one in red, i will do her…] and so, i wouldn't like to send that message because a.- my top is quite fitted and red, so b.- i needed to desexualize it with baggy jeans, but i didn't want to look all frumpy, so heels are the choice, quite basic yet edgy… so nails! red, but matte, so that they don't scream Helmut!!! lips, just a sheer red glossy lip to ad a bit of girly-ness to an otherwise tough look.
i wish sometimes i didn't overthink my sartorial choices…

[Prada eyeglasses  +  HM turtleneck sweater  +  patched jeans  +  Fendi BTW and mirrored heel pumps]